The Word of the Day is Infallibilty....

Last night jay did something incredibly sweet for me to help boost my mood. He surprised me with buying a 1TB hard drive for my computer. I'm so excited to have that much space. Jason's so sweet. He'd do anything to make me happy. Fortunately enough for me Jay is one person I never have to worry about. I KNOW we'll grow old together. Thank you hunny. I love you so much.

So, on to the word of the day.....Infallibility. Last night I was in so much pain that I had to write Jay a note asking him to talk to kirnan and ask kirnan to message me in some way and basically give me closure in one way or another. I ask that he tell me he hates me and never wants to see or hear from me again, I ask that he erase any and all doubt that the man I fell in love with is dead and gone. If he does this it'll flip a switch in my head and I'll be able to move on. I don't however expect him to. now this is where the infallibility in my plan takes place if he doesn't do this for me I'll know that he maliciously wants me to suffer and thus flip a switch in my head. I win either way. I give it 2 days before I flip that switch. I don't even care if he lies about it....just the words from him to my ears or eyes is enough to force my mind to take a U-turn.


There is another issue I wanna express here in my blog. I've recently come to the conclusion that I'm an anorexic. I have most of the classic signs and I've been dropping weight like crazy but I'm currently in talks with my therapist about this. I just wanted to get that out in the open. my blog is an open book to my life and I hold nothing back here...maybe somebody will read this and be able to connect with it. Maybe we'll be able to support each other. I weight less now then when I was 16years old 125Lbs, 56.8kg, 8.9 stone. To be honest, I've never felt better about my body but such is the nature of the beast.