Long Night....

Tonight was a very long night. I'm completely drained emotionally and physically. I just got done with a really intense photo shoot and I'm crazy excited to see what comes of these shots. Tomorrow will be a very busy day but I think very gratifying. What I did tonight should produce something....Powerful.
I love this feeling. I shot for a good 2 hours and have ALOT of processing and tweaking but I'm really confident in what I created and will create with them.

I heard today from my mom that kirnan is doing very poorly as of late. She chatted with him via his web cam. When I first heard this I smiled inside... at his misery. I do have a very dark side in me but that quickly subsided to feelings of sorrow and hopes of a better life for him. He told Mom that he's "[miserable and it's all Fox's fault]" I no longer care that he blames me for everything. He and I both know I wasn't the only one at fault but regardless I felt so....sorry for him. He had a solid chance at a long and meaningful relationship but he did the only thing he knows how to do....Run. I hear tell that he's done this to a few people before. I really do want only the best for him. I sent him an email earlier telling him basically that I hope he gets better and I'm concerned about him because I really do still care for him. I just think he has alot of growing up to do....some life lessons to retain......oh well.

Things have been up and down recently. Thoughts of friends past and the chapters they hold in my book.....as deep as that book stays hidden, I know it's still there....I'm very good at putting that book away though. Years of practice shielding yourself from the outside makes for some very powerful and efficient preventative defencive maneuvers. I've been feeling my OCD a little more the past few days but I think it just might be the natural ebb and flow of my body.