Random Depressive Rambling

Things have been up and down recently. I'm going through some pretty intense emotions in the last few days some of which I can outlet into my photography but most of the time I'm completely alone inside my head. I've been feeling very emotional as of late but I've gotten very good at bottling things up. most of the shit in my head would probably upset some people and some things just aren't worth bringing up. I guess there are just things I'll have to learn to deal with or let them destroy certain relationships. Those are the only 2 options I have. I can't expect everyone around me to hold themselves to the same standard of morality that I have and I can't expect anyone to be smart enough to know the difference between a "safe" situation and a potentially hazardous one. There are very few people in my life that truely know the difference between right and wrong...no, maybe thats not fair to say....maybe just a small handful. anyway. I've been thinking recently though.....why do I hold my morality so high?....Am I not just like everyone else? do I not have the same primal instincts that they do? I've spent so much time studying people I know exactly why they do what they do and deep down I want that. I want to be selfish, self centered and without a single thought of the other person or persons. why not me? why not take back my god given right to be an asshole. The world surely hasn't shown me a reason to combat these feelings. Maybe this is something to work on, Maybe I'll have to learn to step down from my high horse and crawl through the mud like the rest of these cattle.