Today was an odd day. I woke up at 2:30PM I was completely out of it till jay came in to ask if I was planing on sleeping all day. I was shocked when I looked at the clock. Then I solidified plans with my twin sister for drinks and dinner. We haven't hung out in a very long time. My sister and I don't have the best of relationship in the sence that we never see each other. When my parents divorced my family was torn in two. My sister took my fathers side and I (being a mamas boy :-p) took my moms side its been almost....what?....7,8 years since I've seen my father. My Mother keeps begging me to contact him and talk to him but I find it hard to believe that he'd have any interest in seeing his "black sheep" son. It would kill my mom if I moved to England without at least attempting to contact him in some way....I don't know. He's always looked down on me, always made me believe I wasn't as good as the other "family" members. I put the word family in quotations because I don't believe blood has ANYTHING to do with who is and isn't family which is why I'm not completely torn apart by not having alot of contact with my "family".
England....Ahh, England. Thats another issue. I'm starting to become very discouraged regarding England. With no obvious movement in any direction it's hard not to become discouraged. I want to move to England more then anything...maybe I'm just impatient...I dont know. I'd be on a plane tomorrow if I had any solid plans but there doesn't seem to be any solidity from either direction and I'm afraid there wont be...till the very last minute...my worst fear. This definatly isn't helping anything but what can I do.
Monday, May 19, 2008
Dinner with the Sis and thoughts on England
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8 comments:
i hope you have fun with your sister tonight!
im glad your finally getting sleep. youve needed it.
as for england, dont let your hopes get crushed just yet. i know you will find a way to get there. patience isnt a strong point in either of our lives but i know you will get there. keep your head up! youll be an english boy soon enough :)
as for family. whether blood accepts who you are or not you will ALWAYS have us non-blood family who love you for every little detail.
Well what do I say, if you want it to happen only you can make it happen, by whatever means you choose to take. That is a conversation to have though!
Good to hear you met up with your sis. I suspect catching up with your father will either convince you to stay in the US or drive you to the UK.
Well the first part is not exactly accurate and as far as the second part....did you not read what I wrote....how would contacting my father convince me to stay?
Meh... if your father doesn't want to be part of your life, that's HIS loss. I don't think you're under any kind of obligation to contact him if/before you leave for England.
There's something strong to be said for the family you choose to pick up along the way. :)
You look a LOT like your sister, BTW!
I feel exactly the same Turtle. I have the best family in the world....although probably just as disfuncional as many peoples blood family :-p
hi =)
just a random post here.
i'm a twin too, and i don't have the best relationship with him at all.
maybe its because he's straight and i'm gay =S
anyway, the whole parent splitting up thing...agh i've been there.
it's the most confusing and shittiest thing in your life.
anyway, i have this huge desire to just move as well. to the UK as well.
and i don't know why.
maybe just to get away =)
maybe you understand.
or not =D
anyway, see you fox.
sorry for the randomness.
Hi son, Mama here. After talking to you last night and reading your blog tonight I feel compelled to jot down some thoughts.I'll try not to ramble or obsess as I go.First of all, you know how I feel about you. I LOVE you with all my heart, you are my WHOLE world! No mother on earth could have more pride for her son as I feel toward you. I feel that you and I have a bond that will live forever. We are not just mother and son but soul mates as well. As for your dinner with Tiffany, when you were telling me about it, I felt very happy that you two had that chance to talk. You know how I feel about you and your Dad and about me and your sister.One of my greatest dreams for you ( and for me too ) would for you and I to be able to reconnect with your Dad and my daughter. It makes me very sad that you do not have the bond that I wish you could have with you and your father, and that I do not have the bond that I'd love to have with Tiffany. I don't really know what happened all thoses years ago. I love you as you know and I love Tiffany too very much, but I have come to understand that your sister will never feel anything for me but hate and discuss. When you told me that you gave your sister my cell phone number as I had asked you to do and you told me not to hold my breath, I was feeling mixed emotions, sheer joy and hope and then I reminded myself of the hate that she feels for me and told myself not to get my hopes up as she will never speak to me again. For a parent to live their life never seeing or talking to their child, concieved in love is the saddest feeling in the world. I can not speak for your father, but I believe with all my heart and soul that he still loves you very much, I will never believe that his love for you has completely died. The love a parent feels for their child never dies! OK, I'm now rambling AND obsessing too. Sorry, didn't want to do that. One more thought honey, about England. I want you to be happy and if going to England makes you happy, then go. I do not want you to go, but I know you must follow your heart, and if going to England is what you must do, follow your dream. But as you go please remember this, you will be taking my heart with you, if I tried to convince you to stay I would be doing a great injustice to you by not letting you see the world, what mother would want to hold her son back from living his life and being happy? OK again I'm rambling on and on.To anyone who reads this blog, KNOW THIS ! This is MY SON, and I LOVE HIM untill the end of time !!
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